When I really need someone..

I am all alone.

Its time.

世界末日

想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点的时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰会不会
让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背
难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累睡不睡
单影无人相依偎
夜越黑梦违背
有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁
也许颓废也是另一种美



〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉

是否曾经在夜深人静，心情低落时，
一人觉得无比的孤独，寂寞，无助？
或是对目前的人生感到茫然，毫无确实的目标，
性情不定，
老是想要寻找一些明知不能换取幸福的刺激，快感？
也许是在感情上的曲折，
或是工作上的种种不顺，
家庭纷争，或是朋友的不体谅。
人生有着说不完的也许，
执著只会受伤，失望，难过
当在夜深人静的角落，
想哭却已麻痹地无法掉泪，
心酸却又无能为力
无助的心灵死命呐喊着求救的呻吟
如今无助失落的我，该往哪里寻求我的照明灯？
好不容易有一线生机，又好帕从新跌入谷底

Health

To be healthy is truly a bliss

Not all are born healthy
Even lesser remain healthy in passing

I envy the people around me
Who can jump from more than the height of a chair
Who can run continuously with ease
Who can not worry about the weight of things they carry

The constant pain in my lower back
Has it been almost 5 years already?
Numb.

I hope that I can continue to play squash
But I can't
I hope that I can go for adventure hikes
But I can't
I hope that I would not be in agony anymore
But it's impossible

Cherish your body.
For regrets hurts.
Totally.

With Love,

The Quarter Centurian to be

It is probably still way too early to be thinking of the quarter life crisis.

Yet, either induced by the lethargic mood to work or the gloominess of belief
I decided to probably do this little recap of my 24 years & 1 month on this little place called "Earth"

My education path has officially been declared as over, unless i decide to do something impulsive again... like paying to study for masters (which is stupid, a friend once told me that higher education should paid using our own money..zz)

6 years Primary
4 years Seconday
2 years JC
4.5 years Uni

Have I not learnt enough? Answer is no.
I have never doubted my ability to absorb taught knowledge in school.
Yet, that was never enough.
I look back at my tedious yet over education life and I was full of regrets.
But its never an "IN" thing to look back and lament.
However, I fast forward and seriously do not know how to educate my future child
With the daily increasing stressful education path.

I remembered long long time ago when I was still a child
I was happy
Way back when I was 3, or maybe 4
I had a happy family
I had a doting dad
At the tender age of 6, my father left me for the afterworld
My mother was never a woman of much emotions
A capricorn
But she did her reponsibilities
To bring me to where I am today

There was a time when I hear praises of me being such a young independent girl
But that was a long time ago

Growing up,
I start to know and appreciate the meaning of friends.
Fresh friends who go as fast as they come by
And the old friends who seemed to hang on well
Ironically, the friends who hang on are those who are less like me
Those who are like me
Do not last
It is almost like a seasonal thing for players to come and go

The whole blabbering of life should end already,
With the turning of 25.
A marriage, a house, a car, a career is all that we should or already be talking about

What is a marriage?
A bondage between two willing parties blinded by love at that point in life

What is love?
A verbal committment given by a party to give emotional satisfaction and security
This can come in single-to-single or single-to-multiple relation

What is relationship?
A formal term given to denote a chosen person to display a fulfilment of emotional void

I am probably on the way to having my own house in the next 1 to 5 years.
I want to have my own car now (unrealistic)
I am on the way to my own car in the next 1 to 2 years (realistic)

Career,
That is super subjective

I have friends telling me I am suitable for the corporate world
I had friends who told me I was not scheming enough for insurance

So the current path I am now in, seems positive, or so at least.

My one and only wish for now:
To be happy every single day

Not successful so far, yet I am still trying
Every single day of my life
To try so hard not to sink into a state of emotional depression again

On a sidenote,
My Sister's Keeper
Fucking good movie
Sorry for the unpleasant terminology but
YES it is fucking good

I want to watch it a 2nd time.
Anyone?

P.S: I <3 Mambo, Hate Vodka, Love to mind-fuck but never the other way round