the fragility

i did it again
time & again
it is harder to control the emotions

a stressed up state
a desperate struggle
a tight situation
a friend is just a phone call away

alone till the wee hours in the morning
thinking & thinking
mentally chiding

friends are always friends
colleagues are always just colleagues
as much as there is no typical politics
there are hypocracy

in the end
it is just a problem i created
that i only have myself to face up to
depending on others always falls back
and it is bad that it is a money situation

i want to back out
but can i
i want to enjoy
but could i
i want to be alone
but do i really wan to

never mix money with work
do i really want to
or do i really have a choice

acting based on emotions
to survive in this career
i have to be strong
be cruel
be harsh
to the people around me
those
who are not my friends

skip the gatherings
skip the unnecessary socialising
will it really work
maybe it might
although it is not me
to save myself from misery
to find people whom i can call friends
outside of work

so tell me now
if i can avoid the next 2 weeks
how can i survive the 4days in Phuket

for every action
every decision
there is a consequence
consequence do not incur threats
yet
consequences drives ppl crazy
thinking of the stupidity of actions