the tough growing up

How would you feel when your peers have all graduated.
except u

I feel alone

Growing up i never wanted to feel lonely

I
never wanted to eat alone
never wanted to catch a movie alone
never wanted to be left alone

i am listening to the radio again
thats the first thing i do the moment i step back into my room for the past 3 days
to have music engulf my heart

Over the past week
i felt i grew up
emotionally, psychologically, spiritually

the number of times i cried in the past week
surpass the number of times last month
the number of times i cried this year
surpass the whole of last year

is my life that screwed this year?
or am i just taking it that hard?
no conclusion on that yet

I really try to be positive
I try to joke, to laugh, to engage in conversations
but for every second left alone,
the emptiness haunts me

in the end
i did not have an appointment today
but i had much learning + enrichment

for the past 2 nights
i hung out with people i din used to
ppl i always felt din cared for me
maybe it was superficial
maybe it was more of digging news
yet
physically i was comforted

in times like these
when u need someone to be around
you start to wonder
where are my friends?
who are my confidants?

those i thought i could bare my soul and sorrows
are not there for me
those who are there
we are not close enough to have heart-to-heart talks

i had people who bothered in a way
i had people who called up to ask how was i
i had people who called up to get me out
yet
this is countable with just 1 hand

is this scenario sad?
maybe
or maybe this is just what we usually term as :Reality: