P.S.

elvina is a moody person
she needs constant care & concern

probably she was not the exact kind of ideal friend in the past
but now she wants to change

she wants to treat everyone nice
she wants to be there for people at all times when they need her

she hopes that there are people who at least can be with her when her heart is wrenching
when she really feels lonely
but there isn't.
none

her mom is right
she dunno how to reject people
or rather she don't want to reject people
she don't want to lose attention, or companion

she hates her home
it's not a place of happy memories
it's a lonely & cold place
never a comfortable place

i can be moody but still no one can be around
i can cry but there will be no one to wipe my tears
i can feel scared but there will be none to comfort me
i can be empty yet no one can feel the void of my heart

if you think i'm a sociable person, all that of it is just an act
an act to plea for company, for love, for friendship, maybe even for money
as what i'm doing for my career now

i put on the powder, painting myself with make up
i used to club, to seek solace, to seek relief

i drink, get drunk
cry, to seek pity, seek embracement, seek delusion

i shout, i laugh, i scream
to conceal the quiet & lonely innerself

if i beg,
will all my friends come to me?
if i cry,
will someone care for me?
if i die,
will people mourn & tear for me?

i really need someone to care for me
but somehow i don't just want anyone
i don't want to always make the same mistake
but it seems so like i will.. again