I think the time has come

the fluctuation of moods
the gf problem
the changing of msn nick
the sensitive and kaypoh team
the probing of things

that was basically what went on with my life for the past few days
sucks

for the month of jan & feb i din have proper production
slack i should say, coupled with pressure
for consecutively 2 group meetings i felt sian

this is a career about networking
socialising
production recognition

apparantly my team recognise something as more important
- diligence

i am straying away from my manager's ideal
in other words, not so 听话 anymore as before
he see it as a cause for me 'following' the wrong person

he showed his disappointment with me
i was affected
i felt probably if i did produce some results despite my busy upcoming schedule in school it will be alrite

i felt march started good

1 X $150 GSP
30k GGP
30k Choice Investment
1 X SHP
1 X Totalshield

On the way ...
5 X SHP
5 X Totalshield
Investment topups

With the intentional reduction in activities, i felt i did okay after just talking to 2 person this month.

No, that was not the case.
This is not fantastic results, i know
But it is totally not kept in view, not bothered

I was helping soulmate with something yesterday
and again my manager voiced out his unhappiness

"Why are you helping people do things that's not your stuff?"
"I din know you are so free to be helping others"
"I din push you so far coz i tot you are busy with your FYP and stuff, yet you still got free time do all these"
"hai... 一个愿打,一个愿挨.."

I was stunned. And replied

"I did my stuff before i helped & it's not as though i din do work and submit cases"

I walked off.
There can be ppl who are full timers, dun produce, yet get encouragement all the way, get praises for every small case..

but when i initiatively just submit case, it seems invisible

is that the team culture?
is it that political?

yes, at the end of the day, i earn my money still.. but if i'm not exactly happy, how ?

when i told soulmate all these, he was pissed with the behavior too
impulse got over him and...
today they are going to hold a mini meeting
the agenda..
"discussing regarding the bad team culture, gossips and misgivings"

my manager once told me any time i lose faith in this biz or face problems i must tell him
is this the time?
is there even a need to do so?


worse thing comes one after another
as i reached home last night and chatting with soulmate
again
we had some 'arguments' regarding certain issues
accounting for my change of nick

i'm really affected by him in a way
no, there is still no love to speak

but yes, alot of concern
alot of reliance
alot of emo

he is just like my confidant
my emotional support

i think this is going the wrong direction
i know for sure that if i start to pull away, he will not bother

for someone who dun do concrete actions even when it's the gf...
what's more i'm just a soulmate?

maybe it is really the time