budget seafood day~

Christmas Day
A last min impromptu sms from Mr BDW...and off to Sin ming for BBQ seafood dinner!!

Funny thing...
he thought me & HL gg to treat him....

i turned up with $18 bucks,
HL turned up with $16
DW turned up with $20...

3 poor souls wanting to eat good food... haha

and we had...
1) sambal stingray
2) butter stingray
3) "La La"
4) Satay
5) 3 'Lao' Hor Fun..

.. specially introduced by Ms Chia..and subsidised due to her "network" ... =)
too bad.. no photos taken ...

talked to shan over msn last night too..
abit emo ... as this period we 3 all quite emo ... but nonetheless confirmed our mini gathering on 1st Jan....

we can all set aside our emo and set our 2008 resolutions!!

u.p.d.a.t.e.s

It's been a considerable long time since i've done sth to here...

i wouldnt exactly say i had a very busy life, so much so that i din have at least 5 mins to post something.

Yet, its more of lazy.

when i started out with this blog, i made a point to take photos for almost if not all the activities i go to, yet, this desire have died out.

October

I met up with HL sometime end October for Thai Express =)

Nice food, nice company =)

And we decided to simultaneous capture each other, haha

She said i look super happy~
Interesting~

Another random shot one day before i go out..

3rd Nov...

Went to attend CosLab DnD... give face since i've been seeing these guys & girls for a while now..Just 1 photo, together with some other pics taken while clubbing...

Me & KaiHoe

Jasmine, Sharon, Me
Jasmine + Me

Fun girl to be with... but with her, i feel so old~ she is like... 18 ? *faints* Last saw her @ Parkway Mac seriously mugging away her exams.. should catch up @ zouk soon!

17th of Nov..(yea.. one month ago)

was out with HL & BDW..

it was also my most significant period of 'down' , 'emo' and 'most number of late nights' period...

A dinner at the HK cafe..

then cause i din bring my house key+they wanted to watch 'SAW 4', which was against my principle of watching movie, i went home to get my keys while they caught the show @ cineleisure.

caught up with them after the show to chill @ NYDC heerens...

Super rare guest - Mister BDW

DW & me~
My Fav Girl of 10 Years

We talked alot with maybe 70% about my life?

About the ppl whom i have chanced upon and let go in my life, things & ppl whom i have pursued and given up, the career i'm currently embarking on, the new ppl in my life, the new lifestyle that i'm adopting and the new soulmate i have.

then came the interesting qn of "who would we have most likely ended up with during sec sch?" answers not announceable though =)

anyway, was nice of them to accompany me through out till s.m. arrived and i ended up reaching home in the morning again.

4th Dec

Planners Inc. Group Meeting~~~

Chop~chop session by LW followed by supper @geylang and ktv @kboxCINE to celebrate Dawn's birthday~

Unfortunately, I was emo *again*

I'm starting to feel more.. rejected. more.. extra. more.. low.

nonetheless thats *almost* 2 weeks past le, haha~

Not much photos due to my emo self, but we have a super funny video taken by Johnson =)

Me & Aug

Celebrated Dom's birthday with KY, Rooney, Ding & HH on the 9th Dec... @ Vil'age Heerens

We bought him a tee-shirt from 77th street...

After the dinner, off to ButterFactory...

Enuff Updates... Its tiring to update for 1 month plus activities.... so i'll just cut short to christmas since today is Christmas Day~

Merry Christmas!!!

This year Christmas, I had to spend it alone.

As an attached personnel, you never really need to plan much for where or who to go out with.

As a single entity, you have to start eliminating ALL your attached friends for any plans.

that includes my soulmate, whom i hung out most recently.

still, i had some sort of activities, so it wasnt really alone. and i met up with ppl whom i haven seen for a long while, which is nice in a way...

I'm having a Christmas dinner cum exchange this saturday... i dun think anyone in my office knows my blog.. yet...

so here's the thing i bought!

Just in case you are wondering WTF is it... its a 'bottle stopper', for any alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink that you cant finish up... acts like a bottle cork la... just a designer version of it....

And the next happy thing during this Christmas...

my present....

from my favourite brand....
A key pouch holder..

Before i got too happy.... I had to return the present with...

a similar favourite brand...

Not my 1st choice design but they insisted that design din exist... so i got this.... still cost me at least a quarter of my 1st month pay ... =(

Today... i was talking to HL about ... something in particular... and the more i say the more off i feel...
i dun actually think i'm very good but this kind of feelings always arise when there is some sort of comparison between two person no matter how insignificant...

i think it's really really time for me to change..
maybe i should really start settling down....
fun companions will not be stable partners.

need i say more?

-Emo Elvina

All good things come to an end

A happy, eventful, busy day ended a empty,sorrowful, tearful night.

how do you disappear from someone's life?






P.S. I need a strong pair of hands to wake me up from my dreams

life is not SO great after all

there are just too many things unspeakable



i have friends

whom i really like.

whom i really trust.

whom i really hate.

whom i really hurt.

whom i really want.



whom might not be anywhere near me.



i have a life

which is really busy.

which is really complicated.

which is really unspeakable to many.


i have a soul mate.
now 2 ppl in my social circle knows it.
they may not approve of the idea but nonetheless i have 1

i told my soulmate last night this:

everyday before i go out, i look into the mirror and give myself a wide smile and i feel good
but the moment i turn away
my heart sinks into emptiness straightaway

i no longer knows who i am anymore
as we grow up and change ourselves to suit the surroundings and people around us
we mask ourselves again and again

i dunno what i need anymore
is it just someone, like anyone?
that's very bad
very bad

the only thing i can do now is to devote myself to something
maybe work
maybe FYP
thou shall try not to irritate my soulmate so much too

busy.fuckedup

too many things happened.

some ppl know, many don't
if u know, u know.

if u dunno, either i haven had the chance to let u know or u don't need to know.
so dun ask.

i'm an emo girl.

i'm not fit to play around with my life or act like i can play around with my life.
it's so screwed.

anyway.
today was the first day of exams

2 papers down - HRM & Emotions in everyday life.

1 more paper tmr @ 5 pm - Systems for Everyone.

I regret taking shit electives, but whatever, just need to get it over and done with.

I look at my calendar and friday is going to be so ... packed.

11 am gg RV for photoshoot (yes, i still dun have my namecard photo)
1230 pm gg tampines to collect premiums from Josephine
Den gotta go back office settle + submit my mom's case
Gotta prepare for the closing on saturday for my cousin.
Another 2 pending proposals to prepare.
Another 2 pending cases to sign.

If everything goes well, will meet Sihui @ night for CRAB beehoon!!!

*i so need my beauty sleep on thursday*

may my career be a smooth one =)

messed up ultra packed & busy life

im typing this in a state of hung over.

it's been a while since i properly blogged. i dun have time to blog, or rather i dun really have time to do anything else.from last week to this week, has been pretty bad.

a brief outlook of my schedule:

last friday: met up with Rooney & Augustine after work, dinner, Rooney zao, , went terence's house for coaching, Aug pang seh go meet his client, coaching ended after midnite, planned for zouk, pub, dragonfly but all din go.

last saturday: meet up with huiling after her rebellious act, appointment with kaihoe, after that followed them to zouk area, they planning to celebrate wz bdae, Aug called jio drinking for his bdae, he took cab down den went to central square, went home @ 3 +

last sunday: coaching with linus, ended 8 plus, went down costa sand meet dw for wz's bdae bbq, ended midnite

tuesday: hrm final lesson, lunch in sch, met up with Sai, went down cityhall meet johnson, go down office print bips, Aug called jio study @ night, go home dinner, go down forum study till 2 am, den go cine KBox for 2 hour ktv session, den talk cok around Orchard, reach home 7 am, chit chat till 730 den zzz..

wednesday: after lesson, hitch a ride from Rooney to suntec, he & Aug had their BCP exam, waited, both passed, dinner with them, confirmed on gg zouk with Aug, go home eat, changed, go terence's house for short coaching, go down zouk, met up with Aug, his fren Nancy, saw his friend Victoria with her friends, met up with wz & whole company & new girl Jasmine, saw Jaws there too. Jasmine jio MOS tonite as she can get free ticket, reached home 5 plus.

thursday: (which is today) now working with a super bad headache, tuition after work @ 8 pm, if gg MOS got to reach between 9-11pm. To go - or - not to go ?

friday: back to the ktv pub @ central square?
sat: dragonfly?

what's my life becoming to?

packed like ...

I woke up this morning with a profusely bleeding nose & a slight fever.

Missed my dental appt, missed work.

My mom is starting to disapprove certain stuff due to the late nights I've been having.
Time isnt enuff yet it doesnt stop me from enjoying myself.
Very bad.

Today is a above average day.

Just when i was going to have dinner, dear HL sms to jio shopping. And since it was such a boring day, off i go after dinner till now. Well she just bought one leggings & very not-so-satisfied. As for me, nothing.

Its just a simple get together session. Tmr she's gg dbl O with collegues. shld i go too? hmm...

To end off the night, a brillant idea from us:
- To org a blind date session.

*COOL*

Evolving E.L.

i have changed much again.

over the past days, weeks, months... i have become very out-going, very sociable, very cheerful

or so it seems.

My coming 3.5 years in NTU have seen me changed from a quiet, introvert alike person who suck in presentations and people mingling to a devastated soul with gloomy outlook of the future to now a person with confidence, mingles with just anyone, ability to speak out more openly and be more friendly.

In short, i am dying to expand my social circle now.
I dunno if it's got to do with my job nature now. but yes, this is how i feel i have changed.

although i am still a student and although its only slightly less than a month to exam.
i totally dun feel it. i dun want to study. i dun have the time. i dun wan to be cooped up at home at any time of the day.

what am i doing?
am i not getting my priorities right? or am i just dying to jump out of the finally ending education routine?

i was nua-ing at home yesterday for the whole day and thought about some stuff.
i am so busy, till the fact i feel empty at many times. Why?

I always tot i knew what i want, like i wanted to definitely go to Europe for my grad trip.
but yesterday, I felt like I wanted to go do some volunteer work. Or backpack around some third world countries.
is anyone on to go together? haha

My mom laughed. Yes, how am i to survive in those places with my eating habits.
thats also whats been stopping me.
maybe i should really give it a serious thought.

i learnt this phrase just the other day:
- do not be afraid to pursue ur own dreams, for the correct man will come along to share those same dreams

it's time i become more self-centered and not trying hard to please others

b.u.s.y

busy, busy & more busy.

what else can i say?
this week have been horrible sincelast weekend.

in my coming coming 3.5 years in NTU, for the 1st time, my weekend was spent in school doing project.
*sucks*

but something to be happy about... I officially cleared all my needed exams...
*finally*

-looking forward to the new phase of my life-

this 2 months are going to be the toughest...
school... exams...work...tuitions...new work...meeting new ppl...

H-O-W?

fight it out.

Quick View

Third post in one night. Shall blog about the aftermath of my missing teeths...

Tuesday

11.30 - 1.30 HRM Discussion in school

1.30 - 3.30 Lunch + Waste time

3.30 - 5 Travel down NUS, meet Sihui for a drink, chat, admire the ARTs canteen(wake up NTU!!!)

5 - 7 Met up with Terence + Johnson, send Johnson home to take clothes, send him to IPPT, which he bogusly forgotten about the correct timing and went 1 hour late therefore not allowed to take, went to buy cake for Linus promo, went back office, drag + more drag

8 - 11.30 Group meeting

12 - Porridge supper @ Geylang

Wednesday

Mambo Night~
- with Tong + her 3 cousins
- fun or more fun than the previous week
- felt OLD
- watermelon martini is nice~ (the after op instructions were - NO ALCOHOL)
- reached home @ 4 plus, did my work for iDA
- slept @ 6 plus

Thursday
- 1 hour of sleeping time
- Met up with Shan for lunch @ crystal jade
- Meatball porridge with my dear girl helping me crush the meat balls to become mince meat cause I in no condition to chew YET
- @ work, awkwards & more awkwards
- off work, more & even more awkwards

Bye bye to my P-Ms

This entry is in memorial of my 4 pre-molars

The first day of October marked the first step to my bracing journey. From now on, it's also a no turning back issue anymore.

I was supposed to work half a day before rushing down for my extraction surgery. In the end, due to extreme tiredness and anxiety to separate 4 of my teeth from the gums, I sms to cancelled work & look forward to going NDC for my appointment @ 2.30pm.

My mom, out of goodwill and support, decided to accompany me to go for my first visit to tooth extraction as it was also childrens' day.

To cut it short, i hate the surgeon.

1) By the time i entered the damn operating room, its nearing 4pm (i had the 2.30pm appt)

2) She din bother to explain things properly to me and din appreciate my cheerfulness

3) She din try to assure me although i'm no longer a kid anymore

4) She just say "I'm going to inject the anaesthesia now" and raise the huge injection needle to show me.

5) She din tell me how many times she going to poke the anaesthesia into my gums

6) She poke poke poke until very happy, a total of 8 times

7) After anaesthesia, she WALKED off to see another patient.

8) I had to lie there waiting, for god knows how long, with my whole mouth numb and eyes & body wrapped up in the ready-for-op attire.

9) Her fav quote "Open ur mouth bigger"

10) After the op, she left faster than anybody else.

11) I reached home only around 6pm.

dawn break of my life

its been a full weeks since I have blogged?

And no, its not that I had given up on this new found interest *again*
I just couldnt locate my usb cable to upload photos But so many things have happened!!
After the emotion-filled previous post, I went for my routined tuitions marathon last last sunday.

10-12, 12.30-2.30, 3-4.30
Its almost like tuition Ge-Tai... rushing from one place to another...

I decided not to waste my weekend away giving tuitions and more tuitions... & i JIO-ed miss HL out again~

To the ever busy Thomson...She was late..
A very peaceful mind overlooking a very busy stretch of road.... tranquility rules.

Being @ a time of 5pm, the place was empty..

An unusual sight from the busy & packed place you usually see on a weekend night...

The furry and cosy menu which we liked... since the 1st visit ..
Having nothing to do & to suit my mood of the day, I ordered Kilkenny while waiting for HL...

if someone comes in alone, deck in a sweater, sits in a corner @ an early 5pm, flips through the menu time and again and finally decide to order nothing else but a beer, you know that person needs a listening ear.

She knows. maybe cause I told her so.

We shared pretty much. She's the official first person i properly shared the incident. I can't remember the exact comments or conclusion given but it's along the line of "you should have known better"

Maybe i should learn not to be naive soon, pretty soon.

But for now, some photos to share.

an old friend, an old support

an old friend, trying to act ghostly

emotioni-fied
good lighting, bad timing

acting like a child

nested woody self
speciality of the night- chocolate martini

the twinkle of fate

Reprimandable Relieve

when they say that girls have the perfect sixth sense... it totally make sense to at least believe it.
den there is the reason why the phrase "saw it coming" exist..

u know something is wrong when things go the opposite way as it always had been. or at least i was sensitive enough to feel it. i am a girl.

throughout.. i din talked much, not that i wanted. but some stuff are just too long-winded to even blabber about.

when i say i was an introvert, i wasn't lying. throughout my secondary school life, i think i had a total of 4 clear cliques at least. there was always someone prominant within the group and it would never be me. But it wasn't something to complain about. i changed myself and my behavior in order to be more accepted. This was all part of the harsh social peer pressure phenomenon, something which cause me to regret up till today.
That was the thing that actually cost me valuable friendships too.

that was when my number-One flaw of my character appear: the unconditional evolution of oneself in order to suit the people around

NPCC played a major part of my life, also the place where i met some of the nicer guy friends i had, perhaps until now. even at tender 15 years old, there can be back stabbing & betrayal. the famous "Top-6" disputes, "SI" who should get, "Best Unit Cadet" by right was who.

The 7 people who played a part determining the positions for "Top-6", 5 felt I mixed with bad company, when all i ever did was after school played sports with the people from N(A) classes. I only realised all these when Baolai told me, only he & another person supported me to keep me in. And the biggest irony was, I was very close with 3 out of 7 of them. But only 2 supported me. Till today, I never knew who was the other one who knew me so well yet gave me the perfect stab.
Baolai thought I was sensible enough not to over-react, thats why he told me this. But the fact is, I cried all the way home.
*first taste of what is fake personality*

4 years passed by followed by JC. even during 1st 3 months, I could be so close to some ppl as though we have known each other for years and neglect past friends, or rather some whom have chose to distant themselves from certain of us due to the disparity of the prestige of the respective schools, or so in order to allow their new friends to accept them.

that was life.
i was sad. very sad. young @ the age of 16, u realised how friends can be discarded so easily and it was only when ppl did it on u that u realised how much hurt u had caused others before.
but then, lesson learnt, some facts are too late to reverse.
things lost, are lost.

then it was JC.. ok.. 1 clique only.. never that close to a certain extent, so never hurt to a certain extent too. I only remembered 1 incident in JC when I found out that Peide was saying something bad about me being the class rep or something I did not do enough, when I went to totally trash it out with him.
*first experience of "bravery"*
and also another incident which I had forgotten by now, but caused one of my best guy friend in the class to turn around and became the ultimate foe i can ever get.

i was really damn childish during JC

Then came the first bf.
Directly or indirectly, because of him, I gave up NPCC, though there was also the underlying reason of the change in OC. This, till now, I have regretted, to give up my CCA which accompanied me for 4 years in secondary school, allow me to have the best experience I can ever get and know the best people I can ever know, let alone Pulau Ubin, my then "2nd home".

Maybe he was too much of a listener, or maybe I was just young & playful. things din turn out well, in fact, it turned sore. Too much things happened to be mentioned here and conclusion is we broke up, he turned into a bad-ass and until today, he still push the blame of him becoming like this now to be my fault.
*I made him "realised" that guys shouldnt treat their gf nice, coz nice also no point*

*crap*

Den to proceed with my NTU degree education.

Came the ppl who purely seems to appear solely for the sake of screwing up my life.
Guys who were solely just suitable to classify as "companions" but not "soulmates"

The friends problem arose again. Now everyone was history. Hall friends were everything.
We eat, "sleep", "bath", study, supper, committee, tok cok, MJ, sing songs together.
How hard is it for people who does everything together to be close?

Year 1 stay was fantastic.

In 2nd year, coupled with the ex-bf problem, I made the biggest mistake in my whole life so far that I ever know. With a heart just seeking consolation, I allowed the most impossible of all person to fall for me, and i did nothing to stop it. But i paid a huge price when things turn sour, or rather when i "woke-up".

It sucks even more when u realised that the other party back-stabs u in all sorts of ways and angle with all possible sort of people. When the fact is, when other ppl ask u, the choice was to keep mum. Everyday you walked around, just being overly sensitive and not knowing what people are saying and all you could do was to swallow that wee bit of pride and the whole bucket of tears.
Lesson learnt: When ppl start to stab u & u just accept it, u will be stabbed to death.

End of year 2, the "JCRC" incident.

No one was at fault, no one was to be blamed.
If someone had to be blamed, it had to be me.
For not heeding Allan's advice & be selfish and apply both sides.
For wanting to be more close with Hall friends and giving up on EEE main comm.
For having a chance to try out CAC main comm yet nv took it up.
For not being "loyal" to my IIC main comm which everyone realised later that I tried to jump ship.

For having so many other possible options yet choosing to be psychoed and stay with hall.
Yet,
played-out
Left-Right-Center

That was the most horrible period of my hall stay. First the realisation of one of my better guy buddy who I could confine in going for the same thing, than the awkwardness, the disappointment, the trashing out session, the invisible hope he gave, the underhand going through and the friendship falling apart totally.

Den came the ultimate accusation that I was petty.
Petty.

Even though he is a guy, I should still be more gracious and take the initiative first, because he feels awkward. But when I feel weird, I am petty?
That incident, again, 50% reduction in friends.

Den, pretty expected, changed group again.
But the love for hall was gone.

Den came the 2nd bf.
Directly or indirectly again, I partially shifted out of hall by the end of yr 3.
With him, i had to have no more guy friends.
OR rather no more friends.
No outings,
No gatherings,
No alcohol,
No club,
even being involved in a camp meeting is just so hard.
this one was the direct opposite, not a listener, a controller.

Den 1 yr 2 months later, el could not breathe anymore.
And it was over.

Den came now.
Going through so much, I couldnt believe I can still just trust people so easily.
When el thinks u are her friend, she can tell u almost EVERYTHING.
though she knows u might not tell her everything.
When el thinks u are her friend, she can do for u almost ANYTHING she can.
be it money, advice, time, companionship.
*almost anything*

el no longer knows who to trust.

when el tells A, A tells B, B tells back el
& el feels hurt,
it means somewhere, something went wrong

according to Shan,
it may be a slip of tongue,
it may be personal opinions,
it may be out of good will,

but,
it hurts

friendships are important to me & when something goes not right with the friendship, it hurts me more than anything else.

in comparison, rejections are peanuts.

maybe its time for a switch again.
or maybe i should just close up my inner self to stop making myself vulnerable.

P.S i took like 2 hrs to blog a summarised version of my life entry

Lucky LV

I went for my long-said dental appointment yesterday morning @ NDC

And...

I'm getting braces...

And its not cheap..

And before that I need to get 4 tooth extracted + punching in of 4 screw-like ,studs-alike microimplants into my gums

The dental "surgery" is on coming Monday, 1st Oct @ 2.30pm..

It looks like this

Yes.. plunged into the gums.. to secure by the "bone" or root of the teeth or something ..

Haha .. it looks scary.. But I will survive!!!!

*Blessed*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just came back from my M9 exam...

I PASSED

=)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like a lucky girl today

=a special day=

Yesterday was my birthday.

Yet,I arranged with Sihui for a study session @ NLB

Before going out...
Attire for the day..

Arranged to meet 10.30am.. but by the time both of us drag...easily 11.30 liao..haha.. We den went to NLB which I managed to accomplish studying only 2 chapters of M9 & at 1.30pm.. we went to Parco V8 Movies Cafe for lunch~

Cheesy Wedges..Yummy wedges coupled with .. COLD melted cheese???

Chicken Cutlet with Onion Rings
Sihui with her Grilled Dory with Citrus Sauce

Me with my cutlet..
After lunch on the way back to NLB for 2nd round of mugging... we passed by TCC and...

Voila~ My first and only birthday "cake"

And a favourite flavour as well - Granuja

Posing with the friend that touched my heart

Den it was back to the library for some studying... this time round with "proof"

Sihui with her "interesting" bio-alike-stuff-that-talks-about-drugs

Me in a mugging "pose"

My M9...
The 2nd half was totally not fruitful lor.. by the end of the day I din even managed to complete Chapter 3 =(

Yea, I was busy MSN-ing & SMS-ing to confirm my dinner "date" + post dinner clubbing session...

After we left NLB.. went to theFACEshop... & I got another impromptu present!!

Musroom facial mask that do wonders! or so raved @ FP...

After the meetup, I went back to office to put down the laptop & my books...(can't be bring inside zouk rite?)

Obviously, next was the dinner... location @

View out opposite Chijmes...

the menu...

& the person who dun like to take photos..

Had dinner, walked around..., talk, talk & talk...

Now i have more more more Question Marks over my head....

What is it i dun understand?

Why does ppl like "Grey Area"?

What's with "timing"?

With all these doubts I went to Zouk.

And I would say I totally CAN'T enjoy myself AT ALL.

Some of the pics that I have..

And yes... it's all with huiling coz din really take photo with others...

In ending words... yesterday nite was BORING> I just got NO mood.. or maybe no one there to spice up my mood ba....

But I tink next week is still on .. with TONG. and no way that's going to screw up again MAN.

Enuff said, the more i say the more moody.

*Post again*