When I really need someone..

I am all alone.

Its time.

世界末日

想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点的时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰会不会
让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背
难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累睡不睡
单影无人相依偎
夜越黑梦违背
有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁
也许颓废也是另一种美



〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉〉

是否曾经在夜深人静，心情低落时，
一人觉得无比的孤独，寂寞，无助？
或是对目前的人生感到茫然，毫无确实的目标，
性情不定，
老是想要寻找一些明知不能换取幸福的刺激，快感？
也许是在感情上的曲折，
或是工作上的种种不顺，
家庭纷争，或是朋友的不体谅。
人生有着说不完的也许，
执著只会受伤，失望，难过
当在夜深人静的角落，
想哭却已麻痹地无法掉泪，
心酸却又无能为力
无助的心灵死命呐喊着求救的呻吟
如今无助失落的我，该往哪里寻求我的照明灯？
好不容易有一线生机，又好帕从新跌入谷底

Health

To be healthy is truly a bliss

Not all are born healthy
Even lesser remain healthy in passing

I envy the people around me
Who can jump from more than the height of a chair
Who can run continuously with ease
Who can not worry about the weight of things they carry

The constant pain in my lower back
Has it been almost 5 years already?
Numb.

I hope that I can continue to play squash
But I can't
I hope that I can go for adventure hikes
But I can't
I hope that I would not be in agony anymore
But it's impossible

Cherish your body.
For regrets hurts.
Totally.

With Love,

The Quarter Centurian to be

It is probably still way too early to be thinking of the quarter life crisis.

Yet, either induced by the lethargic mood to work or the gloominess of belief
I decided to probably do this little recap of my 24 years & 1 month on this little place called "Earth"

My education path has officially been declared as over, unless i decide to do something impulsive again... like paying to study for masters (which is stupid, a friend once told me that higher education should paid using our own money..zz)

6 years Primary
4 years Seconday
2 years JC
4.5 years Uni

Have I not learnt enough? Answer is no.
I have never doubted my ability to absorb taught knowledge in school.
Yet, that was never enough.
I look back at my tedious yet over education life and I was full of regrets.
But its never an "IN" thing to look back and lament.
However, I fast forward and seriously do not know how to educate my future child
With the daily increasing stressful education path.

I remembered long long time ago when I was still a child
I was happy
Way back when I was 3, or maybe 4
I had a happy family
I had a doting dad
At the tender age of 6, my father left me for the afterworld
My mother was never a woman of much emotions
A capricorn
But she did her reponsibilities
To bring me to where I am today

There was a time when I hear praises of me being such a young independent girl
But that was a long time ago

Growing up,
I start to know and appreciate the meaning of friends.
Fresh friends who go as fast as they come by
And the old friends who seemed to hang on well
Ironically, the friends who hang on are those who are less like me
Those who are like me
Do not last
It is almost like a seasonal thing for players to come and go

The whole blabbering of life should end already,
With the turning of 25.
A marriage, a house, a car, a career is all that we should or already be talking about

What is a marriage?
A bondage between two willing parties blinded by love at that point in life

What is love?
A verbal committment given by a party to give emotional satisfaction and security
This can come in single-to-single or single-to-multiple relation

What is relationship?
A formal term given to denote a chosen person to display a fulfilment of emotional void

I am probably on the way to having my own house in the next 1 to 5 years.
I want to have my own car now (unrealistic)
I am on the way to my own car in the next 1 to 2 years (realistic)

Career,
That is super subjective

I have friends telling me I am suitable for the corporate world
I had friends who told me I was not scheming enough for insurance

So the current path I am now in, seems positive, or so at least.

My one and only wish for now:
To be happy every single day

Not successful so far, yet I am still trying
Every single day of my life
To try so hard not to sink into a state of emotional depression again

On a sidenote,
My Sister's Keeper
Fucking good movie
Sorry for the unpleasant terminology but
YES it is fucking good

I want to watch it a 2nd time.
Anyone?

P.S: I <3 Mambo, Hate Vodka, Love to mind-fuck but never the other way round

The MTM Gown Scout

On schedule today was a last minute arrangement to go meet up with Annah of Allure Charix. With a proposed theme of "Disco', the laziness to repeatedly change 2 or 3 gowns during the AD and personally not liking many of the typical evening gowns found in the wedding studios which is hard to coincide with the theme, MTM came to mind.

Who says an evening gown must be big, bulky, shiny & bright colored?

It can be just my more ATAS looking "club" dress (& more ATAS "costing")

well, budgeting the whole cost is still an issue. But, anyway, we will just start off scouting for "everything the we want" (or maybe just what "I" want), then budget away the splurge from there.

All ready with a map in hand

92, Amoy Street

Alight Tanjong Pagar MRT, Exit G

Walking alone, with the passing office crowd rushing home.

Amoy Street. Classic. Lots of Food.

Colorful, abit old school, pretty nice Ann Siang Hill ..

Abit bored & made a stop.

I was half an hour earlier than my stipulated appointment time and thus looked around for either a nice cafe or a potential scouting spot. I found: The Silhouette.

I went in to check on their pricing. The place looks very spacious, clean, classy look with super big mirrors. I haven done much research on them except that currently the website is still under revamp & they do tie-ups with Grand Copthorne Waterfront.

Spoke to Rebecca, the designer. Very cute & cheery person. Here's the package:

$4980 Nett.

Comprising of ..... in short, everything a bridal studio package offers except without the photography sessions. Not exactly what I looked for but I heard something different from a bridal studio.

No matter how far your AD is, once you are set on a particular wedding gown, all alterations to the design like adding beads or stuff is free and also that they do not share gowns between brides... which means once you pick which one you want they would not let another bride touch it until after your AD and you return it....

I wonder.... how true. But interesting thing to say though hard to even verify. LOL.

Sneak shot after leaving the place

Finally @ Allure

Some of the current gowns on sale between $699 - $899 in sizes 8,10,12

Evening gowns ($699-$899), modern cheongsams & short dresses (~$299)

Outlook of Allure Charix

When I reached the place, there was another bride doing a fitting. Instead of swinging her attention between 2 person which some people do so, Annah did a quick "Hi" thingy & left me sitting there reading magazines which she concentrated on her service.

During our discussion, she was initially puzzled about the kind of idea that I want to bring across. With the theme "Disco' and a few trying of gowns, she suggested a very rough 2 piece gown design which is abit similar to the gown below by Monique Lhuillier Spring 2010 collection.

Warm lady with 17 years of experience in this line. Pretty good comments by some in forums seen. Given a rough quotation of $1,800 for the gown to keep. Pricey anot? To be evaluated.

*I think* I'm getting married.

I am supposingly going to be one *small* step closer to my 25 Dream.

We went to HDB to take a look at the current BTO project -- Punggol Spectra


Cause of the name "Spectra", the logo was designed like a rainbow theme to depict the light spectrum i'm guessing. So all the blocks got it's own "color" and naturally or not, I fell in *love* with the YELLOW one!

The location is pretty accessible both the TPE & KPE.



But like how HOT is each BTO project?
(You realise how many people wanna get married!)


Size: 4-room
No. of Units Available: 556
Estimated Cost: $234,000 - $293,000
Total Applicants: 1480 (As of Sept 08, 10.38am)



ZZZzz.. As of 07 Sept closing it was 1420. 60 New applicants since last night! *cool*
I'm like entering into a lottery~ woohOO!





So, when am I getting married?
Actually I also dunno. Date not finalised coz now is the Lunar 7th month so not nice to discuss all these issues..
But I am going to attempt to be my own Wedding Planner! (*Note: attempt)
At least until I can't take it anymore, I will then hire a wedding planner bah~





Went to check out some photographers & we met one yesterday after my work as his studio was at Kaki Bukit so its kindof near (geographically!)

It's then we realised how unfriendly Ubi & Kaki Bukit are to each other.... there is absolutely NO bus to each industrial estate.
(So near yet so far..)

Therefore, we decided to go a SLOW ... stroll... to our appointment.


My boyfriend is forever on the phone. (*Note: forever)
"Hello~Asiapac~"

I thought it was a short walk ...

To our first photographers' appointment!

Looking upon the indoor studio..

Immediately out of the life was the private entrance area (nice~)

With fluffy slip-ons to change into..

The backdrop is a couple's oversea's photoshoot

Retro Decorations with the "Not For Hire" cabby signage

Retro sofas..

2 of the many designs for his namecard to showcase the style..

Can be folded in the middle to become a typical namecard with details..

Logo..

Summary:

- Very people-oriented person.

- Specialise in night/ very artistic shots

- Loves playing with various colors

- Looks younger than his age (32)

- Creative ideas for story-based shoots

- Loves Retro

- Standard table albums or journals (Magazine-style)

- freelance since Uni days (around 7 years + experience)

- Innovative installment plans

- No videographer

Can we love a person forever?

In less than 8 hours time, my mom will be flying off to Hainan Island..
In less than a week, my dear friend will be getting married to 'The One'

All if not most of my friends have stepped out in the working world, settled down with the right guy and/or planning to move on to the next phase of life.

For quite a significant period of time, I did not truly believe in relationships and love
Committment was like an obligation rather than anything else.
Over the Christmas last year, I officially got attached to my current boyfriend whom i met just over a month.
To him, it was like a 'click' factor.
To me, i probably still can't decipher properly.
To try to set things off right, i decided we should both be truthful to each other in all aspects, something which he agreed upon almost immediately
Since then, we had our squabbles and all
Times when he can really show his cold and harsh nature
Yet things was still alright.

Just slightly a week ago, i discovered my boyfriend was not that truthful
He dated another girl but had hid the fact
He had sent sms to seek for forgiveness to another girl
He had once just walked out of another person's life harshly
I was hurt
He explained. And we are still together.
Yet, still the pain is there, somewhere.

Did this relationship make a turn for the worst? I do not know.
Do i still like him? Yes
Is he still trustable? I do not know.

I've seen how so many guys can lie to their partners like it's not a big deal.
I've also told this to my boyfriend hoping it would not happen to me.
Yet, now i do not know.

Sometimes i realise it is me who is asking for too much
So much so that i can never be satisfied at the end of the day

In this week that my mom is away
I will be experiencing a true blue couple life with my boyfriend
Maybe then, i can make a proper & definite decision

Can we love a person forever?
A question left unanswered.